A New Start

Welcome friends.I am glad that you are willing to continue on my journey to be fit.


Three years ago today I started my AOL journal in hopes that it would help me succeed in my ultimate goal of weight loss. At that time I was 298 lbs. Today I am 303 lbs. (But I am 8 months pregnant!)


It would be easy to look at the past three years of failures since it seems like I have not lost any weight but as I have gone back and re-read my journals I see a lot of successes. I was 298 lbs and am 5 lbs heavier now three years later but if you look at pictures my face is definitely thinner now and about 14 lbs of this 303 is currently the pregnancy weight.


When I started this journey in 10/05 I lost 35 lbs over a 6 month period. That was the most weight I have ever lost at one time. I hit a wall and didn't lose weight for about a month only to find out I was pregnant at that time. I was ecstatic and one of the main reasons I wanted to lose weight was because I wanted to have children. I truly believe that had I not lost those 35 lbs I would not have Rebekah today. Just losing those lbs enabled my body to regulate its cycle on its own (and overpower the birth control pills I was on)!


I did a great job eating while I was pregnant with Rebekah. My weight gain was minimal until the last month. While I was in the hospital I was on so many iv's that with water retention I actually came home from the hospital heavier then when I went in. However, within two weeks I had lost 35 lbs and was back down to about 260.


I had a tough time after having Rebekah. I think it was a combination of having post-partum depression and the fact that I had done so well with my eating that I deprived myself more than I should have while pregnant. Once I started letting myself eat fast food again and "carbs" I lost it for a while. There were days I would be going through a drive-thru 2 or 3 times a day. I was too tired with a newborn to really exercise so that coupled with the eating out of control the weight returned. When all was said and done I was back up to about 285.

I stayed at that weight until I found out I was pregnant again. Once again I have been doing very well on my eating although this time I am allowing myself more "cheats" in the hopes that I don't go off the deep end after Elizabeth is born. Even with the cheats I have found that I have been able to maintain a decent weight gain and my blood sugars have been excellent.

One month from today is my c-section. There is a part of me that is excited to start to get healthy but there is also a fear of not only failure but of having to "give up" so many yummy things. I know I need to find a balance. I know I'm a food addict and use it to appease a variety of emotions.

I have taken a big step and set up an appointment with a counselor. That is huge for me. It is on the 15th and I am scared to death. However, I know that I can't do this alone and need to deal with my "addiction" before I can conquer it.

This journal will only be dealing with my weight loss. For pictures of my cuties you will have to access my other journal over at www.jlsoule.blospot.com. ;)

I probably won't write in it every day; who am I kidding? I know I won't write in it every day! lol But I do hope that I will write a few times a week to remind me of how far I have come and what my goals are.

Thank you for your support and encouragement.